


Be Still My Beating Off

by SocialDegenerate



Category: Free!
Genre: Anal Sex, Chatting & Messaging, First Time, M/M, Masturbation, Not Canon Compliant, Oral Sex, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2014-10-27
Packaged: 2018-02-12 11:03:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2107401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SocialDegenerate/pseuds/SocialDegenerate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Apparently Seijuurou had far too much free time on his hands while at university, because Saturday training was once again being observed by the former captain. Rin tried his best to ignore the feeling that he was being judged, as well as the weird, vaguely nervous twist he got in his stomach whenever the handsome redhead was around.</i>
</p><p>Or: Rin would probably be a happier person if he wasn't surrounded by infuriating Mikoshibas and utterly unhelpful best friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I started writing this just after the first episode of season 2 aired, and by now a lot of it has been completely fucked over by canon, so I've given up on even pretending that this fic has anything to do with canon timelines as well.
> 
> Also from this first chapter, it might seem like there's going to be SouRin, but there isn't going to be (I'll save that for another fic). I mean, have you ever _seen_ male jock best friends interact? They seem so, so very gay.

_Matsuoka Rin: That little redheaded shit on my swimming team is definitely your brother._

_Matsuoka Rin: Tell him to keep the hell away from my sister._

Shaking his head, Rin clicked away from his Facebook messages, opening a new tab and bringing up a list of the latest times coming from international swimming competitions. He wasn't quite at their level just yet, but it was always good to keep an eye on the sort of times he was hoping to be competing against within a couple of years.

Before he could get too far through the lists, though, the unmistakable sound of a new message pinged repeatedly through his speakers, making him click back to Facebook.

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Ha!_

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha_

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Hahahaha._

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: No but seriously, little Momo's got good taste_

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Though I don't think you need to worry, he's got a couple of years to go until he grows the kind of muscles that your sister likes._

And as much as Rin hated to admit it, that was true. His sister's borderline creepy obsession with muscles meant that the little Mikoshiba wasn't going to get anywhere with her. Although at least Momotarou was closer to her age than Seijuurou...not that Rin wanted either of the Mikoshibas anywhere near his sister.

_Matsuoka Rin: I just thought I was done with this shit now that you're at university._

_Matsuoka Rin: But no, nothing's ever that easy for me is it._

_Matsuoka Rin: You goddamn Mikoshibas are the bane of my existence, I swear._

Glancing at the time in the bottom corner of his screen, Rin cursed as he quickly shut down his laptop, jumping off his bed and quickly getting into his legskins. Being the captain of the team meant showing up to practice early enough to set up, and although Ai was always happy to help out with that, Rin didn't feel good about letting him do all the work.

Training passed about as well as it normally did, with almost every team member posting times above their average. Surprisingly enough, Rin was particularly impressed with Mikoshiba Momotarou: the kid acted like an idiot, but when he put his mind to it, it became obvious that he'd taken after his older brother in the talent department. Rin had no doubt that by third year, the kid would be just as tall and as broad as Seijuurou, with the speed to match.

"Probably just as handsome, too," Rin thought with a scowl, accidentally terrifying the poor first year he happened to be facing. He didn't think that smiling reassuringly at the kid afterwards had helped at all, considering how many times over the years Nagisa had told him that his smiles looked more like he was baring his oddly sharp teeth.

Deciding to call it a day before he accidentally provoked half the team into quitting out of fear, Rin blew the whistle hanging around his neck and waved everyone out of the water.

"Alright guys," he began once the boys had gathered around him, "I know we're in a bit of a quiet period for competitions, but it's good to see that none of you are getting lazy with training. Keep it up, and enjoy the rest of your weekend." Waving the group away, and only stumbling a little when Sousuke slapped him on the back on his way past, Rin waited until everyone had filed into the locker room and then began to stretch out his muscles, lightly bouncing on the balls of his feet to warm up a little.

The obvious downside to being the captain was that he rarely got to train with the rest of the team, often being too busy timing and helping other members to get into the pool himself. That meant that even on a Saturday morning, he had to spend an extra hour or so in the gym, keeping himself in top competitive shape.

It wouldn't do for the captain of the Samezuka swim team to get beaten, after all.

Beginning with a couple of slow freestyle laps to warm up his shoulders, it didn't take long for Rin to be ready to take things seriously and he pulled himself out of the pool, readjusting his swim cap and goggles.

"You wanna be timed?" He heard a voice yell from across the pool, and he looked up to see Sousuke grinning at him, stopwatch in hand.

"Sure, why not?" Rin called back, taking up a starting position as he waited for his friend to make the call. The yelled signal cut through the quiet gym, the other team members having left while Rin was still warming up, and Rin felt good as he dove into the water, legs together as he kicked his way to the surface. The tension in his shoulders bled out as he pushed himself to use perfect butterfly technique, and before he knew it he was turning at the end of the fifty metre pool.

He could feel that his time was going to be fast and so he pushed himself that little bit harder, wanting his national team-bound friend to see just why he was team captain. Cruising home at the end of one hundred metres, Rin slapped his hand against the pool wall, pulling off his cap and goggles in one smooth motion and seeing Sousuke hold his hand out.

Grabbing hold, Rin couldn't help but notice just how easily Sousuke lifted him from the pool, those ridiculously broad shoulders and well-muscled arms containing a stupid amount of strength.

Before he'd even left Australia, Rin had admitted to himself that guys like Sousuke were exactly his type: tall men with powerful upper bodies, the kind of guys who looked like they could pick him up and fuck him against a wall with little effort.

...He and Gou were more similar than he would ever admit.

Despite that, though, he'd known Sousuke for too many years for the man to be anything more than a close friend, even if the other boy hadn't been straight and in a relationship with a girl back in Tokyo. Rin had never been more grateful for those facts than he was in that very moment, because the wet tiles of the gym caught him off guard, causing him to slip towards Sousuke until strong arms caught him like a damsel in distress.

"Clumsy asshole," Sousuke laughed, propping Rin upright again and then patting him condescendingly on the head. Rin slapped his hand away with a glare, this time purposely baring his teeth until Sousuke raised his hands in mock surrender.

Despite outward appearances, Rin was happy that he and his old friend could still dick around with each other: he'd only told two people he was gay, with Sousuke being the second after his sister. It had just been easier to tell the brunet than any of the Iwatobi boys, because Rin knew that he couldn't have told one of them without the others finding out. Makoto tried to hide things but eventually got too guilty about it, Nagisa was a horrible gossip, and Haru had never understood why people kept secrets when they could just "let the water know everything."

So that had left Sousuke, and thankfully now that they were together again, there was no awkwardness between them. Always open with physical contact as a child, Sousuke had possibly gotten even worse as he grew up, forever slinging his arm around people and slapping team mates on the back. He didn't treat Rin any differently than he did their straight club members, and Rin would be forever thankful for that. If anything, in fact, Rin was fairly certain that more than one person around the school thought _they_ were dating, with their physical closeness and long-standing friendship the main causes of suspicion.

But there was only one tall, broad and handsome swimmer that could keep Rin awake at night, and his name certainly wasn't Sousuke. Rin bit his lip as the man's image flashed in his mind, and he squirmed a little awkwardly in his legskins as he pushed the visual aside.

"You okay?" Sousuke called from where he was comparing Rin's new time sheet with the folder that held every team member's times, and Rin shook himself back to reality before he could embarrass himself. "I'm fine. How'd I go?"

Sousuke was grinning widely as he looked up from the sheets of paper he was holding, and Rin immediately knew that he was about to get some good news. "You fucking tank, you knocked point seven seconds off your best lap time and point four seconds off your best total time. How long since you were last timed?"

Rin grinned back, immensely pleased with himself. "Not for a while, I've been too busy helping everyone else and we haven't had any competitions yet this year."

"Dude, keep going like this and we'll both be going to nationals."

"We'll see," Rin smiled before moving towards Sousuke, pushing him lightly in the arm. "I'll get you to time me again another day, but for today I was mostly planning on taking it a little easier than competition level. Go enjoy having the rest of the day off."

"Yes, sir, Captain, sir," Sousuke snickered, turning around and ignoring Rin flipping him off. "Don't push yourself too hard, and text me later if you wanna grab some lunch."

"Yes, _Mum_ ," Rin snarked back as he started to put his swim cap on. "Now fuck off, you're distracting me."

Sousuke's laugh echoed through the gym as the man left through the heavy double doors, making Rin smile to himself as he set back up on the starting block. The Iwatobi boys were good friends, but Sousuke was just that little bit more on his level.

* * *

The rest of the day passed in a bit of a blur for Rin, between the rest of his training session, lunch with Sousuke and a few other boys from the team, and studying for an upcoming test. It wasn't until he was settled into bed for the night that he finally grabbed his laptop again, opening Facebook and seeing a couple of new messages waiting for him.

He skipped past the one from Gou, knowing that he couldn't be bothered dealing with whatever his sister wanted right then and there. The more interesting messages, in his opinion, were from a certain redheaded ex-captain currently attending university in a nearby city.

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: It's a good thing that I know you're joking and that you actually love us both_

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Otherwise my feelings would be seriously hurt_

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: But anyway, if you want Momo to do something, tell him yourself_

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: You're his captain._

Rin ran a hand through his hair, trying to figure out how to phrase his point without sounding too whiney.

_Matsuoka Rin: I just don't want your brother getting distracted whenever we have a joint practice with Iwatobi, and considering how similar the two of you are, I figure he's not going to listen to a damn word I say._

Although the little green dot next to Mikoshiba's name told Rin that his former captain was online, he certainly wasn't expecting the immediate response that popped up in his inbox.

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: I didn't let you order me around because you weren't my captain_

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Momo will listen to his captain_

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: He's a little shit, but a good kid._

Rin groaned, knowing the source of all his insecurities but not really wanting to tell anyone about it.

But then again, who else other than Mikoshiba would know exactly what he was going through? Swallowing what little pride he had left, Rin quickly typed out his next message, hitting send before he could think about regretting it.

_Matsuoka Rin: I just don't think I can be as good of a captain as you were._

Slamming his laptop shut as his cheeks flamed with embarrassment, Rin shoved it onto the desk next to his single bed, flicking his lamp off and burrowing under the covers of his bed.

He'd deal with all this some other time.

...Maybe.

* * *

Rin woke up late the next morning, feeling far more refreshed and relaxed than he thought he would. His dick was semi-hard with morning wood, but he didn't feel any particular urge to deal with it right away, instead ignoring it to lean over and grab his laptop.

He could get off later, when he was awake enough to really enjoy it- one of the benefits of being a third year and a team captain was getting to have a single dorm, and not having to schedule his jerking off around a roommate. In the meantime, he idly scanned through a few different websites, eventually succumbing to the ominous pull of his Facebook inbox.

The message from Gou was still there, and it was ignored once again. Rin could only bring himself to care about the message thread accompanied by a picture of a grinning Mikoshiba. Forcing himself to deal with the consequences of his ill thought out actions, Rin clicked through to his new messages.

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: You gotta be kidding me_

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: If you're just fishing for compliments I'm gonna kill you_

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Matsuoka_

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: You there?_

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Rin_

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Alright, serious talk._

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: I wouldn't have named you captain if I didn't think you could do a good job_

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: The others respect you a lot, and I know that I would've been happy with a captain like you._

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: If you ever need anything, you can talk to me._

Rin could practically visualise the dumb, encouraging grin that would've been on Mikoshiba's face as he typed those words, and it honestly did make him feel a little better. The man wasn't a bullshitter: he didn't lie just to spare people's feelings...something Rin knew all too well after that relay debacle.

Though it had been very lucky for Rin that Mikoshiba was only strict and serious when he needed to be, because otherwise he would have had a very hard time keeping it in his legskins during training.

Then again, what the hell was Mikoshiba thinking, training and competing in a ridiculously Speedo? Rin could name all of about five high schoolers who felt that particular need, although Seijuurou certainly pulled it off a lot better than any of them. All those long limbs, tanned skin and well-developed muscles...

There was no doubt in Rin's mind that the older Mikoshiba knew exactly what he was doing to people whenever he strutted about in a tiny piece of material that left very little to the imagination, the fucking show-off.

The worst part was that it worked every single time. Practices the previous year had often ended in very uncomfortable ways if Rin couldn't find some time to himself, or in frantic masturbation sessions if he could. And, as it turned out, those masturbation sessions weren't over just because Seijuurou was no longer at Samezuka.

Just remembering how the previous captain had looked whenever he casually posed nearly naked around the pool had Rin's cock taking a renewed interest in the situation, and this time he didn't think it would be anywhere near as easy to ignore what his body wanted.

Shoving his laptop aside, Rin looked down to where his newly-excited semi was somewhat visible under his sheets, and he threw those off his body before there was a chance of them getting messy. His grey sweats were unceremoniously shoved down and off his body, and he didn't see any point in teasing himself before wrapping one hand around his dick, coaxing it towards full hardness.

As they always did, memories of Seijuurou thoroughly did the trick, remembered moments and fantasy images blending together to create Rin's favourite type of porn. He had a pretty good idea of what Mikoshiba would look like naked and aroused: a few stolen glances in the showers had never hurt anyone, and the former captain had had a bad habit of slouching down on the spectator bleachers, his legs splayed apart and Speedo straining to contain his package.

Tightening his grip a little, though still mindful of his dry hands, Rin wondered how it would go if Seijuurou was to walk into his room right then and there. Logic took a backseat as fantasy took over, and Rin breathed heavily as he pictured the man's usual happy-go-lucky expression twisting into something seductive and predatory. The movements of his hand sped up as he imagined Mikoshiba pulling off all his clothes, exposing his own hard cock as he walked towards the bed, settling over Rin as a warm, heavy presence that demanded all of his attention.

Rin had long since decided that Mikoshiba would know exactly what he was doing, being able to show off his strength without actually hurting the smaller redhead. Flipping himself onto his knees and elbows, pretending that it was Mikoshiba's big hands lifting and pulling him into position, Rin let the side of his face press into the mattress, his hand going back down to jack his dick.

He let his knees splay apart, back arching and blood pumping as he fantasised about Mikoshiba taking his rightful spot behind him, strong fingers running up and down his body as a deep voice told Rin to keep touching himself. Sharp teeth sank into Rin's bottom lip as he tried to keep himself from making too much noise when his fist sped up: he might have had a private room, but that didn't mean that the walls weren't uncomfortably thin.

However, noise was no issue in his fantasy. Mikoshiba let out a pleased groan as his slick cock slipped between Rin's ass cheeks, the head briefly catching on his hole before sliding past, tapping against the back of Rin's balls before pulling away completely.

Knowing that he wanted to come as soon as possible, Rin settled himself more comfortably on the mattress, his hand jerking his dick frantically as he imagined what it would feel like the first time Mikoshiba slid right inside him. Rin had his suspicions, thanks to a not-too-big dildo that Gou had bought him as a gag 'Welcome Home' gift that had been a lot less of a joke than she would ever know, but he hoped that the real thing would be even better than impersonal plastic.

Unfortunately, he was too close to the end to be bothered to dig the toy out of his wardrobe, instead settling for remembering how it felt to be stretched and filled, while imagining the kinds of things Mikoshiba might say as he pushed his way inside Rin.

Somewhere around hearing Mikoshiba's deep voice telling him how hot and tight he was, Rin vaguely managed to throw his free hand out to quickly grab a handful of tissues, barely avoiding overbalancing before he rolled onto his side, one hand quickly beating himself off as the other cupped the head of his dick.

With a muffled grunt, Rin let himself come into the wad of tissues in his hand, hips thrusting awkwardly as he kept stroking himself through his climax. He felt boneless and satisfied from his orgasm, the way that only fantasising about Seijuurou could leave him, and it took a good few minutes before he frantically tossed the filthy tissues into the bin, embarrassment flaring up as he shoved a pillow over his face and sighed into it.

Getting off to his older captain was one thing, but it was a completely different issue when it came to the fact that he had to be captain to a mini replica of the man he'd just fantasised about fucking.

If Rin was lucky, maybe Momotarou would be sick or something on Monday.


	2. Chapter 2

Rin managed to put the whole incident out of his mind until the following Saturday, when Samezuka's pool had been unceremoniously invaded by Iwatobi for a joint practice that Gou had bugged him into organising. The whole thing had gone less painfully than Rin had expected, with Momotarou only needing one warning to turn his attention towards swimming and away from his captain's sister.

It was also always good to give his own team a chance to go up against a guy like Haru, who made racing look so effortless and graceful. So far, none of them were quite at his level, but then again, that fed Rin's ego quite nicely as the only one to have beaten Haru.

However, Rin had noticed Sousuke glaring at Haru more than once during the training session, and although he didn't like seeing two of his friends like that, he figured that as long as he didn't see anything escalate between them, he'd leave them to sort out their own issues. He assumed it was some sort of rivalry thing, and as such didn't feel particularly inclined to get involved.

Speaking of the devil, Rin jolted in shock when a heavy weight landed on him, a quick sideways glance telling him that Sousuke had folded his strong arms over his shoulders, leaning his weight on Rin as he read the time keeping records from behind.

"Comfortable?" Rin muttered grumpily, not that he was particularly annoyed by his friend's closeness. Sousuke just laughed, leaning even more of his weight on Rin until he had to jump away to avoid the elbow Rin had sent swinging back towards his gut. Rin was about to say something else when he was interrupted by Ai excitedly calling "Captain!" from across the gym.

Not bothering to look up from the records, Rin absently yelled back, "What is it?"

One of Sousuke's arms wound back around Rin's shoulder, the other pointing out in the general direction of where the shout had come from. "I don't think he was talking to you."

Utterly confused, Rin looked up in the direction Sousuke was pointing, freezing in place when he saw a familiar tall figure standing with Ai and a few of the other older team members. "Oh, shit."

It wasn't unusual for weekend practices to have spectators, between families coming to see their sons and partners wanting to see their boyfriends in action. However, Rin hadn't been expecting to see the older Mikoshiba at training, and his cheeks flushed as arousal twisted low in his gut. Pushing Sousuke off, Rin cleared his throat as he stalked over to the small crowd, immediately grabbing Seijuurou's attention.

"Hey Matsuoka," Mikoshiba grinned, and Rin felt his insides melt a little. He managed to put a scowl on his face, though, regarding the former captain with suspicion.

"And what, pray tell, are you doing here?"

"Don't be like that," Mikoshiba said while still grinning like the big, dumb idiot Rin knew he was. "I'm allowed to come see my baby brother doing the family proud."

It was then that Rin noticed a rather disgruntled Momotarou tucked under Seijuurou's arm, the tan limb bent into a fairly unbreakable-looking headlock. It was obvious from Momotarou's flushed face and pout that he'd put up a fight, but was now resigned to his fate.

"Besides, I heard that Iwatobi was going to be here today...and I know that their manager is always with them."

Looking past Rin to where Gou was talking to Rei and Nagisa, Seijuurou's face lit up and he waved enthusiastically with his free hand as he called out, "Hi Gou! Good to see you!"

Glancing in their direction, Gou waved back with far less vigour, her voice distracted as she called a greeting back. Momotarou laughed, digging his fingers painfully into his older brother's side. "Give it up, bro, she doesn't like you."

Seijuurou tightened his grip on Momotarou, playfully jostling him around a little. “And you think she likes you? C'mon, Momo, like anyone would ever choose you over me.”

“Yes they would!” Momotarou bit back, managing to hit his brother hard enough in the gut that the arm around his neck loosened, letting him pull away.

“Would not!” Seijuurou taunted, laughing gleefully as he avoided the fist that swung towards him none-too-playfully.

“Would t-”

“STOP!” Rin barked, cutting off the utterly juvenile exchange between brothers. “Both of you, can you for _one second_ not be fuckwits?”

Rin would never admit aloud how much it hurt him to hear Seijuurou gush about Gou. Thankfully, the pair looked suitably chastised, if not slightly taken aback by Rin's anger.

“Looks like we've got some competition, anyway,” Seijuurou said slowly, gesturing over in Gou's direction with an inscrutable expression on his face. Rin turned around, groaning in despair when he saw that Gou had been joined by Sousuke, and he could practically feel the heat from her blush as he grinned down at her.

“Thank god he already has a girlfriend,” Rin muttered too quietly for the others to hear, turning back around and trying to erase the image of his sister attempting to flirt with his best friend. Not that it was the first time: he was pretty sure Gou had crushed on Sousuke since they'd first met.

“C'mon, Momo,” Rin heard Seijuurou whisper, “let's get out of here before he bursts a blood vessel.”

The redheaded brothers looked at each other, nodded, and before Rin could say or do anything, the Mikoshibas were running across the gym, quickly putting quite a bit of distance between themselves and Rin.

“Idiots,” Rin sighed, even as he admired the way Seijuurou's long legs carried him away. One Mikoshiba was bad enough, and having two of them together was apparently a recipe for disaster.

“Are you okay, Rin?”

The soft voice was unexpected and not entirely unwelcome, but Rin was in no mood to put up with Makoto's mothering.

The Iwatobi captain was another guy whose physical appearance made him firmly Rin's type, but the redhead was after a boyfriend, not a second mother. Besides, Rin didn't think he would be able to handle the Haru-sized child that anyone Makoto dated would have to adopt.

“I'm fine.” Makoto frowned, but he let the topic go, his attention being drawn to where the two Mikoshibas were slamming through the gym doors, their loud laughter echoing through the quickly-emptying space.

“Those two certainly are a handful, aren't they,” Makoto smiled gently, shaking his head a little. “But it's good to see that Captain Mikoshiba is going well.”

Rin wasn't sure why that was his breaking point. He could handle a lot, had proven time and time again that he could handle a lot. He'd been doing so much better since last year, his temper calming down and his mood swings lessening.

But he snapped, and poor Makoto was in the firing line.

“He's not the captain,” Rin snarled, feeling slightly vindicated by the way Makoto's eyes widened and he took a step back. “He's not here anymore, and no matter how many times all of you still call him the captain, that doesn't change the fact that he gave me the captaincy.”

“That wasn't what I-”

“I don't care if you all think that I'm not as good as him,” Rin continued over whatever Makoto was trying to say, his voice rising in volume. “I'm the fucking captain of the Samezuka swim team, and no captain from shitty, second-rate Iwatobi is going to tell me otherwise.”

Before he could see the inevitable hurt look on Makoto's face, Rin stormed off, not bothering to change out of his legskins and team jacket before grabbing his bag and hightailing it out of the gym.

He half expected Makoto to come after him, and there was a part of him that hoped Makoto _would_ so that he could apologise. However, considering how loud Rin's voice had gotten, the other Iwatobi boys must have waylaid their captain, leaving Rin to stomp back to his room alone.

He'd thought that he was _over_ this angry bullshit.

* * *

Several hours later, Rin was lounging back on his bed, distractedly surfing the net as he tried to figure out the best way to apologise to Makoto. He knew the tall boy would forgive him, had done so for worse in the past, but he couldn't just leave things as they were. He wasn't Satan, he couldn't leave Makoto upset.

When the Facebook message notification dinged at him, he assumed it was either going to be Gou or one of the other Iwatobi boys, ready to guilt him about what he'd done, as if he wasn't doing a good enough job of that himself. He was utterly confused to see that the only person to have contacted him was a certain tall redhead that he'd seen earlier in the day.

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: I hear shit went down after I left today_

Rin seriously considered ignoring the message; he didn't want to give Mikoshiba any more evidence as to why he had made the wrong choice for his successor. But he knew that Seijuurou wouldn't leave him alone until he got a reply, and so he reluctantly set his hands to the keyboard.

_Matsuoka Rin: Who told you about that?_

Predictably, Mikoshiba was quick to reply.

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Tachibana did  
Mikoshiba Seijuurou: He's just worried about you._

_Matsuoka Rin: You talk to Makoto?_

Rin watched the 'message read' notification appear on screen, and then frowned as Mikoshiba's typing notification flashed on and off the screen repeatedly. Finally, just as he was beginning to lose patience, a flood of new messages started popping up on the screen.

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: I helped him out with some captain stuff last year_   
_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: And we hung out a couple of times_   
_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: He called me after you left and told me what you said_   
_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: We've already been through the fact that I picked you to take over for a reason_   
_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: So I know that your real problem is something else._

Rin cursed after the barrage of messages was over, hating how perceptive Mikoshiba could be when he wasn't acting like an idiot. The last thing Rin needed was Seijuurou grilling him until he found out that most of Rin's agitation and anger had flared from jealousy. He knew it was petty of him to hate the attention his sister got from the (probably straight) guy he liked, but he couldn't help it.

The message notification sounded and dragged Rin out of his own head, and it was with more than a little trepidation that he read the new words on the screen.

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Was it because your sister was flirting with your boyfriend?_

Sitting bolt upright and almost knocking his laptop to the floor, Rin pulled the screen close, reading and re-reading the message. Nothing on the screen changed, though, and Rin was forced to admit that he'd read it right the first time.

_Matsuoka Rin: My WHAT?_

Although it probably only took about a minute for Mikoshiba to reply, to Rin it felt like a bloody lifetime.

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: So tall, dark and handsome isn't your boyfriend?_   
_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: I thought with the way he was hanging all over you at practice_   
_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: That you two were definitely dating_   
_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Because I've never seen you look so comfortable with having someone touch you._

Rin wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry, so he settled for trying to sound as unaffected as possible in his messages.

_Matsuoka Rin: Sousuke is my best friend, nothing else._

This time, it definitely felt like the appearing and disappearing typing notification was mocking him, and Rin certainly wasn't happy about it.

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Alright, you're not banging that guy_   
_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Despite what Momo tells me everyone thinks_   
_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: But I feel like most guys would have taken more offense at the implication of being gay_

Taking a deep breath, Rin wondered if he should take this opportunity. His hands shook as he typed, trying to remain as nonchalant as possible even as he revealed one of his biggest secrets to the man he desperately wanted to get closer to. God, he felt like he was going to puke.

_Matsuoka Rin: Why would I be offended by that?  
Matsuoka Rin: Sousuke's a good-looking guy, just not the guy I want._

It felt like it was becoming a pattern for him to want to hide from Mikoshiba's replies. He wasn't entirely sure why he kept telling Seijuurou such personal things, but he assumed that it had something to do with the safety of distance that Facebook gave him.

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: So are you gay?  
Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Or bi?_

Well, he was already in this deep.

_Matsuoka Rin: I'm gay. Why do you even care?_

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: CALLED IT_   
_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: It's Nanase isn't it_   
_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: You said there was a guy you wanted_   
_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: It's totally him._

_Matsuoka Rin: Fuck no, are you serious? Haru's not my type at all._

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: But you admit that you like someone_

_Matsuoka Rin: It's not important, it's not like I can have him. Pretty sure he's straight._

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Ouch_   
_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Get him drunk?_   
_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Kidding. Maybe you should just meet someone else_

_Matsuoka Rin: Yeah, see how long it takes me to get beaten up from hitting on the wrong guy. What a fantastic fucking plan._

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Alright_   
_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Fine then_   
_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: What's your type?_

_Matsuoka Rin: I dunno._   
_Matsuoka Rin: Tall and easygoing. Athletic, I guess._   
_Matsuoka Rin: Wait, why am I even telling you this and why do you care?_

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Don't worry_   
_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: See you next weekend_   
_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Oh, and apologise to Tachibana, you asshole._

_Matsuoka Rin: Wait, what are you talking about?_   
_Matsuoka Rin: Mikoshiba_   
_Matsuoka Rin: WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING?_   
_Matsuoka Rin: Dickhead._

“Fuck,” Rin sighed, realising that Seijuurou had gone offline and wasn't about to reply. Deciding that he may as well continue pouring his heart out to anyone who would listen, he clicked back through to his inbox, opening a new thread with Makoto.

He had an apology to make.


	3. Chapter 3

Apparently Seijuurou had far too much free time on his hands while at university, because Saturday training was once again being observed by the former captain. Rin tried his best to ignore the feeling that he was being judged, as well as the weird, vaguely nervous twist he got in his stomach whenever the handsome redhead was around.

He managed both fairly well, and it was only when he'd dismissed his team for the day that Seijuurou finally approached him, a tall blond man in tow.

“You've really gotten the hang of this captain thing,” Seijuurou smiled, and Rin felt his cheeks heat up at the praise. Ducking his head slightly so that his hair would hopefully disguise the worst of the damage, Rin mumbled his thanks.

“Oh, by the way,” Mikoshiba said in a worryingly gleeful voice, “this is Kuroda, a friend of mine from university. He's part of the baseball team.”

Rin barely spared the blond a glance, nodding politely to him but otherwise not bothering to acknowledge his existence. He had no interest in Seijuurou's friends, not when the older redhead was dressed in worn jeans and a plain T-shirt that clung to his biceps and pectorals and somehow made his shoulders seem even wider.

“You want to join us for lunch, Rin?”

He may have been a little suspicious, considering that Mikoshiba seemed to be planning _something_ based on what he'd said to Rin during their last IM conversation, but that alone was nowhere near enough to stop Rin from jumping at the chance to hang out with the older Mikoshiba.

* * *

The meal passed by quicker than Rin would have hoped, considering the fact that he was getting to spend time with Seijuurou. Rin would have preferred it if the blond guy (whatever his name was, Rin didn't care) hadn't been there, especially as he kept interrupting Rin and Mikoshiba's conversations to try and talk to Rin, but there wasn't exactly a lot that Rin could do about that.

Alone on the train as he returned to Samezuka, Rin smiled contentedly as he remembered how freely Mikoshiba had talked and laughed all afternoon, his face lighting up with happiness.

Shit, he really was too far gone on Seijuurou, and it didn't seem like it would be getting better any time soon.

He was distracted as he wandered through the Samezuka grounds, vaguely acknowledging Ai and Momotarou when they walked past him, presumably on their way to the cafeteria. Rin felt no urge to join them, heading off towards the dorms without a second thought.

As out of it as he was, he almost punched Sousuke in the face when the boy suddenly grabbed his shoulder from behind, scaring the absolute hell out of him.

“Woah there!” The tall brunet remarked, holding both hands up in surrender. “What the hell is wrong with you lately?”

“Nothing,” Rin replied, only barely managing to stop himself from snapping. He was only annoyed because Sousuke had managed to scare him so much, after all.

“Suuuuure,” Sousuke drawled playfully, raising his eyebrows. “You didn't notice me saying your name about six times, pretty sure that means something's up with you.”

“I'm just tired,” Rin lied, not feeling particularly bad about it. Sousuke didn't look like he believed it, but he let the topic go, shrugging as he took a step back.

“Alright Captain, just wanted to make sure you're not losing your mind or something.” Sousuke grinned, raising a hand in farewell as he took off down the hallway. Rin didn't care about the fact that Sousuke was probably insulting him. He had too many other things to think about, mostly relating to Mikoshiba Seijuurou and his uncanny ability to look good in whatever happened to be on his body.

Subtly adjusting himself in his pants, Rin slammed open the door of his dorm, falling face-first onto his bed with a sound that was definitely a manly grunt and totally not a contented sigh.

He was only vaguely aware of his hips starting to rub small circles against his mattress, the whole thing fairly standard for a teenage boy: he'd take his pleasure as often as possible, it wasn't a big deal.

But _of course_ the only thing playing on his mind was Seijuurou, and for the umpteenth time that week alone, Rin found himself getting off to the tall redhead. This time, he had no specific scenario in mind; instead, his mind fed him a constant stream of images, driving up his lust and making him grind his hips harder and faster into the mattress.

_Seijuurou grinning madly as he retold a story about something that had happened at university earlier in the week._

Rin hadn't even bothered taking off his pants yet.

_Seijuurou getting all up in Rin's personal space as he clapped him on the shoulder after a particularly good swim._

He knew that he'd regret it later, but he couldn't bring himself to care as he rutted against the bed.

_Seijuurou diving into the pool, his muscles stretching more gracefully than any man his size should have been able to achieve._

Running on a hair trigger as he was, Rin wasn't at all surprised when he was already close to coming, his hips grinding and pushing into the mattress.

_Seijuurou's back as he showered in the locker room, his wet muscles flexing and stretching right down to his perfect ass._

Deciding not to play around, Rin worked one of his hands down the back of his pants, rubbing his middle finger over his hole before gently pushing in the dry tip, just down to the first knuckle.

The extra stimulation was enough to help Rin finish himself off, but his groan of pleasure quickly turned into one of disgust at the uncomfortable, tacky come soaking into his underwear and pants.

Cursing himself, his stupidly horny teenage body, Mikoshiba Seijuurou and anything else he could think of, Rin gingerly rolled off the bed, glad at least that his jeans had saved his bed from taking any damage. He grimaced as he peeled off his clothes, balling them up as well as he possibly could before burying them at the bottom of his laundry basket.

He didn't even feel any better after getting off, which meant that the whole thing had just been a horrible misjudgement, and so he was left grumbling to himself as he threw a towel around his waist, stomping off towards the showers to wash off the filth that had been left behind.

* * *

In the weeks leading up to the regional tournament, Seijuurou repeatedly arrived at weekend training sessions, each week with a different friend trailing behind him. Rin had been introduced to each and every one of them, but there was no way he cared to remember a single thing about any of them.

It was getting to the point that Rin was considering banning Seijuurou from practice, just because the older redhead was a distraction Rin didn't need if he was going to make it to nationals. However, he knew that he'd have to deal with awkward questions and Ai's sad face if he tried to kick Mikoshiba out, and so he just tried his best to ignore the gorgeous university student.

That was difficult, though, when Mikoshiba invited him out after every practice he and his parade of friends attended. It wasn't like Rin was going to say _no_ to spending time with Seijuurou...and whoever else happened to be there.

Hence why he found himself spending a lovely, bright Sunday stuck in the library with Sousuke, trying to finish his pile of homework before sundown. It turned out that repeatedly blowing off essays in favour of having lunch with Seijuurou wasn't doing his grades a world of good, and he needed to get them back up again before the school revoked his captaincy.

“I _hate_ literature,” Rin grumbled under his breath, probably for the sixth time that hour alone. He yelped when Sousuke kicked him in the shin, but quickly quieted down before the librarian could come over and yell at them.

“I don't care.”

“Why are you even here, I thought you'd finished this stuff already?” Putting his pen back to the paper, Rin forced himself to come up with a few more sentences. He was almost done with this shit, and then all he had left was some English homework; he tended to leave that until last because it was the easiest one for him to get done quickly if he ran out of time.

“Help me with the English stuff.”

This time, it was Rin's turn to kick Sousuke under the table. “Ever heard of asking nicely, asshole?”

Sousuke's lips twitched into a quick grin before settling back into their natural frown, and Rin watched his best friend suspiciously. When Sousuke turned back to his textbook and nothing else seemed to be coming, Rin looked back at his own book. He stared blankly at it for a few seconds and then threw his hands up in defeat, letting his head hang and covering his eyes with one palm.

“I don't care which parts of the book are metaphors for their relationship. I just don't care about their relationship _at all_.”

“I don't think the teacher will take your own pathetic love life as an excuse for not finishing the essay.” Sousuke easily batted away the novel that flew at his face, settling back in his chair and shaking his head at Rin's behaviour.

“He's just so _hot_ ,” Rin mumbled, not bothering to move or even look up. “But he's just so _straight_.”

Sousuke didn't even need to ask; he'd figured out Rin's crush pretty soon after Mikoshiba had started appearing at training, and this kind of conversation had become par for the course. Usually Sousuke kept his mouth shut and let Rin pine until he was feeling better; this time, though, something was bothering him.

“For a straight guy, he sure has a lot of gay friends.”

Rin's shoulders stiffened, and he slowly looked up, letting Sousuke see the confusion on his face. “Gay friends?”

“All the guys he's been trying to set you up with? The ones he's been bringing to practice?"

“ _ **WHAT?**_ _”_

“ _Boys_ ,” the librarian snapped from across the room, levelling Rin with a death stare and making him silently mouth an apology.

“I know you get super idiotic whenever he's around, but how have you not noticed this?” Sousuke looked legitimately concerned for Rin's mental state, not that Rin noticed. He was too busy trying to figure out why he felt like he couldn't breathe.

“How the hell have _you_ noticed?” Rin managed to force out, fumbling for his phone.

Sousuke rolled his eyes, honestly not all that surprised at Rin's tunnel vision. “It's pretty obvious, what with the way he introduces them to you like it's a fucking omiai. Plus those goddamn Mikoshibas aren't exactly quiet, I heard him talking about it to one of the guys.”

“...I don't believe you.” Rin's hands were shaking, but he had to try his best to be subtle: even though it was the weekend, Samezuka had strict bans on phones in the library.

It didn't take him long to get Facebook up, but it was a while before he managed to get all of the typos out of his message.

_Matsuoka Rin: Have you seriously only been coming to practices to try and set me up with random guys?_

Even though Mikoshiba was offline, it didn't stop Rin from completely forgetting his essay, instead choosing to refresh his phone's browser every minute or so. After about ten minutes of Rin gradually growing more and more frustrated, Sousuke slammed his textbook shut with a groan.

“Pack your shit up.”

“Huh?” Rin replied distractedly, still trying to use his phone while hiding it from the librarian.

“Pack up. We're going for a run.”

“What? No, I-”

“No excuses.” Shoving his own stuff into his bag, Sousuke quickly gave up on waiting for Rin, awkwardly leaning over to cram the redhead's stuff away. Rin didn't react until Sousuke managed to snatch his phone away, turning it off and tucking it into his jacket pocket.

“We're gonna run until you either can't think or you manage to think about this rationally. It's pretty obvious you're not going to get much done here.” Standing up, Sousuke grabbed Rin by the bicep and practically dragged him back to the dorms, slightly worried when Rin didn't bitch and complain about the treatment the way he should have.

Stopping in front of Rin's room, he waited until the redhead let himself in before he went to his own dorm. “I'll be back in ten minutes. If you're not ready, I'll kick your ass.”

“Whatever,” Rin grumbled, slamming the door shut behind him.

As expected, there was a knock on the door eleven minutes later, and Rin opened it to see Sousuke in a pair of running shorts and a singlet, much like Rin's own outfit. They didn't say anything to each other as they walked outside to one of the paved walkways that snaked around the academy's grounds, starting at a light jog and slowly working their way up to a proper run.

They'd just circled around the art block when Sousuke finally spoke up, breaking the silence that had settled over them since leaving the dorms. “I thought you knew, so I'm sorry.”

“It's cool.” Rin wasn't exactly sure how he felt about the whole thing, but he knew that it wasn't Sousuke's fault. _He_ wasn't the genius who somehow thought it was a good idea to stealth-matchmake people.

They spent the rest of the run in silence, Rin too busy being lost in his own thoughts to try making or keeping up a conversation. When they finally made their way back to the dorms, covered in sweat and thoroughly worn out, Rin grabbed Sousuke's arm just before they reached the corridor where they parted.

“...Thanks, man.”

“No worries.”

As Rin let go of Sousuke and walked to his own room, he managed to carefully categorise his thoughts, figuring out what exactly he was feeling. He still wasn't entirely sure, but he definitely felt slightly more reasonable about the whole than he had in the library.

Entirely more clear-headed, he decided to quickly check his Facebook before showering, sitting on the edge of his bed and propping his laptop beside him.

There was one message in his inbox.

_Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Uh yeah_  
 _Mikoshiba Seijuurou: You didn't realise that?_  
 _Mikoshiba Seijuurou: Anyone catch your eye ;)_

Oh, right. _That_ was what Rin felt about the whole thing. Forget being reasonable, he was _pissed off and hurt_ , because apparently Mikoshiba had no interest in hanging out with him, and was instead just trying to whore him out to his stupid university friends. Well, Rin wasn't about to put up with that kind of treatment.

_Matsuoka Rin: Don't come to training again. You won't be welcome._

Closing the laptop with more force than he should have, Rin shoved it away from him as he fought back the watery feeling in his eyes. He'd thought that, at the very least, Mikoshiba had wanted to be his _friend_. He'd figured that was why their near-weekly meetings had continued to happen.

Crush or not, Rin wasn't going to continue being paraded in front of random men like it was a fucking meat market. Mikoshiba Seijuurou could go to hell.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things I am not dealing with in this fic because I can only handle so much unhappiness at once: Sousuke being injured, relays, canon depictions of tournaments.

It would have been easy after that for Rin to lose his focus, fall into a rut, to see his performance suffer.

But he was going to make it to the Olympics, and the first stage of that plan was getting to the national tournament. Whenever he found himself thinking a little too hard about Mikoshiba Seijuurou, Rin started exercising until he either couldn't think any more or Sousuke made him stop for fear of overexerting himself.

When one Saturday training session after another passed with only one Mikoshiba ever present, Rin threw himself into his captaincy and his own training, his extra exercising lending itself to better technique and faster lap times.

The only person to actually ask Rin about Seijuurou's absence was Ai, and Rin just brushed him off with something about the older redhead being busy with university. Presumably Momo had asked his brother the same question, and Rin could only hope that their answers matched up. He wasn't exactly about to _ask_ , after all.

When the week leading up to Regionals finally arrived, Rin quickly found that he didn't have time for much more than homework and training. Thankfully though, it was almost impossible for him to overwork his body in the lead-up to the tournament: everyone else on his team who had qualified was after as much help as they could possibly get, and as Rin was careful to make sure to get enough sleep, he couldn't find the opportunity to strain himself.

That left him with barely any time to think about Mikoshiba Seijuurou, who most certainly wasn't part of the careful balancing act that Rin had managed to perfect. In fact, he'd barely spared more than a passing thought to Mikoshiba, which suited him nicely.

At least, until the Thursday before the weekend of the tournament, when his (now much less active) inbox lit up with a message from Makoto, briefly interrupting the research Rin was trying to do for history class.

_Tachibana Makoto: Hi Rin, how are you going this close to the tournament?_

Rolling his eyes at the screen, Rin quickly typed out a response, knowing that Makoto clearly had something to say but wouldn't cut to the chase until all pleasantries were out of the way. That boy was just too polite for his own good.

_Matsuoka Rin: I'm fine. What's up?_

Clicking back to journal archive he was using, Rin lost himself in _way_ too many boring paragraphs about whichever goddamn war they were studying this time, vaguely hearing the message notification tone and deciding not to break his concentration there and then.

Finally hitting the bottom of the article, he pushed his chair back and rubbed at his eyes, enjoying the stretch in his stiff muscles as he rolled his shoulders. The browser automatically flicked back to Facebook when the article's tab was closed, so Rin decided it was as good a time as any to deal with whatever it was that Makoto wanted.

_Tachibana Makoto: I'm glad to hear that. Actually, there's something I need to tell you about Regionals.  
Tachibana Makoto: I'm not sure exactly what's going on, but Mikoshiba asked me to tell you that he's going to be at the tournament to watch his brother._

A sick feeling bubbled up in the pit of Rin's stomach, a horrible sensation that was nothing like the airy flutter he used to feel whenever the older redhead was around. A tiny part of his brain was thankful for whatever weird friendship Mikoshiba had with Makoto, because Rin had promptly deleted and blocked Mikoshiba from every social networking site he used after _the incident_ , and seeing the redhead without warning at the tournament would have been disastrous.

But that didn't mean that the warning was particularly welcome news.

It would have been petty and immature for him to demand that Mikoshiba forgo seeing Momotarou race, but that didn't stop Rin from wanting to do it. The sick feeling was getting worse, and it took everything Rin had for him to compose himself and quickly walk out of his dorm, making the short trip to Sousuke's room and hoping that his roommate wasn't there.

Keeping his head down had stopped everyone Rin passed from seeing his pale face and vulnerable expression, and he made it to his best friend's room without further incident, banging on the door harder than he meant to.

When the door swung open, the redhead didn't even bother checking to see who had answered before he barrelled inside, taking deep breaths and forcing away the urge to vomit as he started breaking down from the build-up of heartbreak, anger and stress.

“ _Fuck_ , Rin,” Sousuke sighed in concern, more than able to hazard a guess at what had Rin in such a state. He had only managed to get bits and pieces out of Rin about what had happened, but he was still surprised that it had taken Rin this long to break down semi-publically.

Thankfully, Rin and Sousuke were alone in the room, Sousuke's roommate away from the shared space and hopefully not coming back any time soon. Reaching past Rin to close the door and lock it again, Sousuke ran a hand through his hair as his best friend and captain slumped back against the door, sliding down to the floor with a heavy _thump_.

Sousuke quickly did the same (though with somewhat more dignity), leaving just enough space between them so that they weren't quite touching, but so that Rin knew he was there. The cheaply rendered wall wasn't exactly the most comfortable thing to have his back against, but when Rin had his knees tucked up to his chest and his head pillowed on his arms, shoulders shaking violently, then Sousuke's own personal comfort wasn't exactly high on his priority list.

He knew that Rin was still somewhat of the little crybaby he'd been as a child, but this was clearly not just a random burst of too-strong emotion. There was none of the rambling that usually accompanied Rin's emotional outbursts, nor the denials that one was even happening in the first place. So, rather than try to pry the details out of the redhead, Sousuke sat back and stared at the opposite wall, listening to Rin's muffled sobs and sniffs.

Neither of them was aware of how much time had passed before Rin quieted down, turning his head to the side to look at Sousuke from over his arm.

“I'm so pathetic,” Rin laughed brokenly, his smile wavering. “How the fuck am I gonna compete when just the _knowledge_ that I'll see him does this to me?”

As much as Sousuke wanted once again to immediately go and _beat the absolute shit_ out of Mikoshiba Seijuurou for whatever he'd done to Rin, he stayed still and silent, waiting to see if Rin was going to continue. When Rin just looked at him with wet, defeated eyes, Sousuke sighed.

“You're not pathetic. I think you're just stressed out.”

Lifting his head, Rin swiped at his eyes with his palm and then settled back, letting his head knock gently against the wall. “I don't want to let the team down, Sousuke, but he's going to be there and I just...I just don't know if I can handle that.”

Taking a moment to think, Sousuke absently cracked his knuckles, worrying the joints as he considered what to say.

“Here's what we're gonna do. You are going to go out and swim the best damn races you ever have. He's going to wish he had _half_ of your ability,” Sousuke paused as he held up a finger to silence Rin before he could finish opening his mouth, “and I'm going to try my best to keep him out of your way.”

Silence stretched out between them, and Sousuke was starting to get a little worried when Rin groaned loudly, leaning to the side to slump with his head on the brunet's shoulder.

“Why didn't I fall in love with _you_ , you perfect bastard?”

The humour in Rin's voice, although still a little shaky, was plain for Sousuke to hear, and the tightness in the back of his neck dissolved with the knowledge that Rin was going to be okay.

“Because I've got too much ammo on you about embarrassing shit you did when we were kids. Kinda kills the romance.”

“Oh, you do? Well how about that time you liked that girl in our grade three class and thought you could impress her by writing _the worst fucking poem ever_ about her?” This time, Rin's grin was infectiously genuine, although Sousuke was happy to let the redhead keep the physical contact between them until Rin was one hundred percent fine.

“At least I didn't get tricked into licking an iced-over pole like a dumbass.”

“C'mon, that's nowhere near as bad as when you went...”

Although it seemed like things were okay for now, Sousuke knew that he had a while to go before Rin was going to be ready to race in front of the asshole who had hurt him. Still, he was going to do everything in his power to make sure his best friend performed as well as he possibly could at Regionals, and god help any redheaded cockstains who jeopardised that.

* * *

The bus ride to the tournament wasn't exactly what Rin would have called _fun_.

Although the guys who were competing were mostly quiet, the ones who were just along as spectators were all being _noisy little fucks_ , and that certainly didn't help Rin try and steel himself to ignore Mikoshiba and swim as fast as he possibly could.

When they reached the tournament, the flurry of activity and some of his team's pre-race nerves helped Rin focus only on swimming, although he wasn't going to tell anyone that he _might_ have flinched once or twice when Momotarou ran past the edge of his vision.

There were a couple of moments when Sousuke seemed to have very flimsy excuses as to why the pair of them should immediately move somewhere else, and Rin was fairly certain as to why that was. In any case, the first few times it happened, Rin was more than happy to avoid seeing the older Mikoshiba.

By the fifth time he was whisked away for some stupid reason, though, Rin was _angry._

Mikoshiba Seijuurou was fucking with his pre-tournament routine, and because Rin wasn't about to turn his emotions towards Sousuke (who honestly seemed to be doing the best job he could manage), he found himself using his pissed off feelings _productively_.

When it was finally time for him to stand on the starting block for the one hundred metre butterfly, Rin's focus was laser-sharp and there wasn't a single trace of nausea or butterflies in his stomach. He'd long since memorised every one of Mikoshiba's butterfly times, and he was going to _smash the fucking hell out of them all_.

Was it immature to want to spite someone who most likely wouldn't even realised what had happened? Probably.

Did Rin care? Not in the least.

If Mikoshiba was going to treat Rin like something he could pass on to his friends, then Rin was going to show Mikoshiba that he was so far above the older swimmer, he was completely out of reach.

His reaction time was damn near perfect as the race began, his accurate prediction of the starting sound giving him a brief head-start on the competitors to the direct left and right of him. He didn't bother focusing on anyone else beyond those first few seconds, instead worrying only about propelling himself through the water with the smooth ease that he'd polished within the last few weeks of increased exercise and training.

In the end, no one else stood a chance. Even on the regional level, Rin knew that he had no _real_ competition in any event that Haru wasn't also competing in.

Sure, maybe there was only a second or two between him and second place, but that may as well have been a lifetime at the higher levels of competition. Slamming his hand against the wall to signify the end of the race, Rin let his head break the surface of the water, pulling his goggles and swim cap off in one smooth motion as he waited for the board to show the results he knew were coming.

If, among the cheering of the Samezuka and Iwatobi students, there was one other voice that yelled even louder in celebration, Rin didn't hear it. All he heard was the roaring in his ears as he read and re-read the time next to his name.

_He'd beaten Mikoshiba Seijuurou's best high school competition time_.

Feeling absolutely elated, Rin pulled himself from the pool, ignoring the somewhat half-hearted congratulations from his defeated competitors.

His heart was racing as adrenaline rushed through his body without any real way to be used up, and later on, Rin would put that fact down as why he did what he did next.

Looking in the direction of the noisy Samezuka team, Rin zoned in on a pair of easily-spotted redheads sitting towards one side of the group, feeling nothing but joyful spite as he stared the taller Mikoshiba down.

With the kind of deliberate precision that was totally unnecessary considering that the other male probably wouldn't even be able to see it, Rin turned his head slightly to the side, pretending to rub at his temple with just his outstretched middle finger. If anyone in any sort of authority position saw him, he knew he'd be in a world of trouble; but he just couldn't find it in himself to care.

Smirking with the kind of juvenile glee that could only come from doing something particularly immature, Rin let his arm drop and stalked off towards the locker room, his head held high and his pace steady, grabbing his towel and throwing it over one shoulder.

He'd beaten Mikoshiba. He was going to Nationals.

And best of all, he hadn't let himself be brought down by anything or any _one_ else.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because canon went slightly wild there, in this particular fic Rin isn't going to Australia after high school, he's going to Tokyo or something. It's not real important anyway.

On the Sunday evening after the tournament, Rin was simply hanging out alone in his room, trying to process the fact that he was going to Nationals. He'd given himself the night off studying and homework, and hadn't even touched his laptop; instead, he was laying back on his bed with one hand tucked under his head, mp3 player quietly playing in his ears.

However, the sound of a commotion in the hallway nearby had him sitting up with an annoyed groan, pulling his headphones out and dropping them on the bed beside him. If whatever was going on was loud enough to be heard even past his music, then he figured he should do his duty as a third year captain and get them to shut the fuck up.

“Oi!” He started as he slammed his door open, sticking his head out and looking around for the nuisances.

Of course, once he got a good look at _who_ was making such a racket, he immediately shut his door again, throwing up his hands as if completely ridding himself of the situation. As expected, though, there was immediately banging at his door, the two _idiots_ outside still arguing as one or both of them knocked loudly.

“I told you, you are _not_ getting in there,” came what was unmistakeably Sousuke's voice, its usual pitch lowered in protective anger.

“Matsuoka, call your guard dog off,” Mikoshiba Seijuurou called, knuckles still rapping away at the door. The sound of his name in _that_ voice made Rin's breath catch in his throat, but still he took a step back from the door, not exactly willing to let either of the pair outside into his room.

Rin distinctly heard a third voice, this one unfamiliar and further away, scream out “Can you motherfuckers quiet the fuck down?” and knew it wasn't going to be long before security was called and Mikoshiba would be escorted off the school grounds.

He could just stay behind the closed door and wait it out, and sooner or later the problem would solve itself. He'd very nearly dedicated himself to that course of events when the knocking suddenly stopped, Seijuurou's voice coming through a lot softer.

“Matsuo... _Rin_. Please, I just want to talk to you for, like, ten minutes, and then I'm out.” Rin heard a disbelieving scoff, and couldn't help but quirk a smile when Seijuurou grunted, “Don't you even _start_ , Yamazaki.”

“You don't have to do anything you don't want, Rin,” Sousuke immediately cut in. Rin wasn't exactly sure if it was Seijuurou's pleading, or the high he was still riding from the tournament, but as he slowly moved back towards the door, he knew that he _was_ doing what he wanted.

If he wanted to get over Mikoshiba, he needed _closure_ _,_ and he wasn't going to get that until he'd had at least one face-to-face conversation with the former captain. Opening the door, he was greeted by an almost blinding grin on the redhead's face, Sousuke standing shoulder-to-shoulder with him and glaring so intensely it was very nearly intimidating.

“Get in here,” Rin sighed, not letting his confusing emotions affect the exasperated look on his face. Holding a hand up to Sousuke's chest as the boy started forward, Rin firmly said, “Not you, but still...thank you. I'll talk to you as soon as we're done, okay?”

Sousuke didn't exactly look impressed, but he took a step back as Rin slowly closed the door behind Seijuurou, who looked like he was practically vibrating with excitement.

“Congratulations on Regionals,” Mikoshiba began, but Rin wasn't exactly interested in that. He knew he'd done well.

Raising an eyebrow, Rin crossed his arms as they both stood awkwardly in the centre of the room, Seijuurou calming down as he realised that he wasn't forgiven. “Say what you need to say, Mikoshiba, then get out. I thought I told you not to bother me, and the only reason you're in here is so you'll go away sooner.”

“I don't even know what I _did_!”

The scoff came out before Rin could stop it, but he didn't flinch when Seijuurou stared directly into his eyes, something hurt shattering the awkward expression that had previously been on his face. “Are you _serious?_ ”

Seijuurou's uncharacteristic silence was enough of an answer, making Rin groan in annoyance at having to spell everything out. “Why the _fuck_ did you think it would be okay to whore me out to every gay guy you know?”

“ _What?_ ”

“Don't play dumb,” Rin snapped. “I didn't tell you that I was gay just so that you could offer me up to all your friends, _without even asking me_.”

“Rin,” Seijuurou mumbled, so quiet and suddenly unhappy that everything else in the younger man's tirade immediately fled from his brain. “Rin, I didn't know that was how you felt.”

“What the hell were you _expecting_?” Rin replied when his thoughts restarted, and oh god, his eyes were burning with the tears he could barely hold back whenever he got emotional. “Did you think I would just fuck anyone you put in front of me?”

“It wasn't like-”

“Did you tell them that I would just spread my legs for them?”

“Matsu-”

“I bet you thought it was _funny_ , didn't you.”

“ _Rin!”_

The only thing that stopped Rin from going any further was the way Seijuurou's voice cracked on the first mora, and despite everything that had happened, a little part of him still felt bad for hurting Mikoshiba as he spewed vitriol.

With a deep breath, Seijuurou visibly steadied himself, gaze darting all over the room at everything except Rin. “I don't think that about you, not that I'd care if you wanted to fuck a _hundred_ guys. I just...you told me you were trying to get over some straight guy, right? I thought I could maybe help you out, introduce you to some people who _aren't_ straight.”

As Rin's brain struggled to unpack that statement, he couldn't yet let go of his anger, lashing out wherever he thought he could. “You're a _fucking idiot_ if you thought what I wanted was _you_ trying to hook me up.”

“Rin, I know you're angry, but please, try to think about it from my point of view. You're my friend, or at least you _were_ , and I just want you to be happy. I didn't like seeing you pine over some straight boy when I knew people you might like, and who might like you back.”

Everything was beginning to fall into place for Rin, and yet nothing at all was making sense; tears welled in his eyes and as he swiped at them with a shaking hand, he couldn't think of anything else to do except laugh brokenly.

“You're really blind, aren't you.”

“Sorry?” Mikoshiba asked, looking about as confused as Rin felt, even through the moisture clouding the younger man's vision.

“It's _you_ ,” Rin laughed again, his hands shaking even worse as his voice broke with a sob. “It's been you for so long, and you can't even see, didn't even _consider_ , that maybe it was you I liked all along.”

Seijuurou was looking more pale than Rin had ever seen him, and as hot, angry tears started streaking down Rin's cheeks, he decided to turn away before he could see the disgust form in Mikoshiba's expression.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when a large hand rested between his shoulder blades, making chills run down his spine as he shook from the storm of emotions he was feeling.

“Rin, will you look at me?”

It was a tone of voice that Rin had heard before, whenever Seijuurou had been helping out a team member who was having serious problems with something. It was soft and deep, and despite himself Rin felt his sobs quiet down slightly, his shoulders quaking less violently.

He still didn't look up, though, and he felt Seijuurou shift towards him. “Is this okay, then?”

He was about to try and collect himself enough to ask what the older redhead was talking about, only to be cut off when the hand on his spine slipped right around to his shoulder, another arm joining it as Seijuurou gathered him up in what could only be described as a bear hug.

Rin wasn't exactly a small person, yet he felt so tiny wrapped up in Mikoshiba's arms, the height difference making Rin rest his head on a broad shoulder before he even realised what he was doing. He hadn't exactly forgiven the other man, but he felt so tired, and Seijuurou was just so warm and comforting...

It was with great reluctance that Rin gently detangled himself from well-muscled arms, taking shaky steps over to the bed and sinking down on it, his tears no longer falling.

“You didn't have to do that,” he forced out, staring at Mikoshiba's feet. He noted off-hand that he was wearing beaten-up runners, and for some reason that seemed _fascinating_. “You don't have to stick around just because I told you that I...I like you.”

The worn-through runners moved, coming closer until long legs folded towards the floor and a broad chest came into Rin's sight.

“Like I said, Rin, you're my friend and I don't like seeing you hurting. I'm so sorry that I've _caused_ that hurt.”

“But I don't want to be _just_ your friend, and you're straight!”

Seijuurou's laugh was quiet, but it was more than enough to have Rin snapping a glare directly towards his eyes. “Rin, the reason I never guessed it was _me_ you were talking about is because I thought you knew that I'm not exactly straight.”

Rin was fairly certain he was just imagining things now. “Come again?”

“I lost my virginity in a room along the next hallway down, back when I was a first year. I thought you would've heard about me from...hang on.”

Mikoshiba pulled out his phone and started tapping away, but Rin barely noticed as his heart started beating wildly. Samezuka Academy was an all-boys school, and under _no_ circumstances were women allowed in the dorms, parents and staff being the only exception. Rin couldn't even let Gou into the dorm buildings, so...

“You...you lost your virginity to a boy?”

“Yep,” Seijuurou confirmed as he looked at his phone, not even _slightly_ phased by the question.

“But what about my sister?”

“Gou? Hell yeah, she's cute. A lot of girls are cute. A lot of boys are cute too, and so are a lot of other people.”

Rin was about to say something else when Mikoshiba's phone buzzed, the man taking a moment to read the screen before grinning triumphantly. “Hey, here's why I thought you already knew about me. You should probably answer that.”

Rin turned to look at where Mikoshiba was pointing, seeing his phone lit up with an incoming call. Feeling awfully lost, Rin answered the call, vaguely noticing that it was from Makoto.

“Hello?”

“Rin, hi. Are you feeling okay? Do you need me to bring you anything?” It was so typically Makoto that Rin wanted to laugh, although he managed to restrain himself. Instead, he flopped back on his bed so that he could stare at the ceiling rather than the room's other occupant.

“What's going on, Makoto?”

“Look, there's something that I haven't told you. I probably should have, but I thought Mikoshiba had told you about it, just like he thought I'd told you about it.”

“None of this is making any sense,” Rin said blankly, not snapping but not exactly sounding pleasant.

“And I'm sorry about that. The reason why Mikoshiba thought you knew about his sexuality is because he thought you knew that the pair of us went on a couple of casual dates early last year. I didn't know you liked him, and obviously nothing came of it; we decided we were better off as friends, because there just weren't any deeper feelings there.”

Suddenly it made a lot more sense why Seijuurou and Makoto seemed to talk a lot more than Rin realised; half of him wanted to be jealous that his friend had dated the guy he liked, but somehow his more rational side won out, realising that if they had wanted to be together, they _would_ be together.

“Why didn't either of you _tell me_ , though?”

Makoto was quiet for a while. “I didn't tell anybody because I didn't want to accidentally out Mikoshiba. I'm not sure, but I think he felt the same way. And, before you can think that he outed you to me, I already knew. Well, I wasn't completely sure, but I knew how you looked at him.”

“Oh, crap,” Rin groaned, wondering just how obvious he was to absolutely everyone except, apparently, Seijuurou.

“You should ask him out,” Makoto said quietly, almost making Rin strain to hear him. “He won't say no, and you should give him a chance.”

“Hm,” Rin vocalised noncommittally before quickly bidding Makoto goodbye and putting the phone down. He didn't know what he was going to do, and he'd been slammed with so much information that he could barely put it all in order: Mikoshiba wasn't straight and neither was Makoto, and they'd considered dating.

Turning back to face an expectant Seijuurou, Rin found that he didn't have any answers for himself. As much as he wanted to believe Makoto and ask Seijuurou out, he was still hurt by everything that had happened, and he needed time to sort things out.

“I'm sorry, Mikoshiba, but I think I need to be alone for a while.”

Rin was so happy about the understanding smile on the other redhead's face as he pushed himself up off the floor, not forcing the point or trying to stay.

“Look, Rin, I'd like for us to still be friends if we can.” The room was quiet as Mikoshiba looked at Rin, _really_ looked at him, and smiled gently. “And if you think you still want to, I'd be happy to go on a date with you. To be honest, if I hadn't promised myself that I wouldn't even _consider_ looking at any of my team like that while I was captain, I probably would've asked you out last year. Like I said, a lot of boys are cute, and you're definitely one of them.”

And then, with one of those blinding grins and a booming laugh that somehow _reinforced_ his sincerity, Seijuurou walked out of the room, gently closing the much-abused door behind him.

Rin, for his part, spent some indeterminate amount of time staring at the back of that same door, before opening his laptop and quickly navigating to Facebook.

It didn't take long before he had Mikoshiba unblocked, although he didn't go so far as to send through another friend request; closing the laptop, he stood up and left the room, knowing that he needed to talk to Sousuke before he could even _begin_ figuring out what he needed to do. 

* * *

 

It was almost a week later when Rin found himself on the front step of the Mikoshiba household, having endured a rather embarrassing conversation with Momotarou to find out when Seijuurou would be visiting their parents. Through some twist of fate, Rin had managed to rearrange his schedule to fit in a very quick visit, because he had finally decided what he was going to do.

It had taken a lot of quiet thinking in the moments he could spare between training for Nationals and doing homework, and he felt kind of bad about using Sousuke as an audience while he figured out his thoughts and emotions. For his part, the brunet scowled the entire time, making rude comments about Seijuurou under his breath; but Rin knew Sousuke was just trying to look out for him, no matter how unhelpful he was _actually_ being.

Sousuke would come around eventually, Rin knew. It had taken him time to forgive Mikoshiba for what had happened, so he couldn't exactly expect that Sousuke would want to be the guy's biggest fan.

The front door opened, and Rin was immensely glad to see a surprised Seijuurou instead of either Mikoshiba parent.

“Hi,” he managed somewhat shyly, heat crawling up his neck at the now gleeful look on the taller man's face.

“Rin! You want to come in?”

Rin shook his head and Seijuurou's expression started to fall, so Rin quickly explained himself. “I'd like to, but I can only fit in about five minutes here before I have to get back on the train.”

Mikoshiba nodded, and Rin took that as his cue to say what he needed to.

“I realise that I completely misunderstood and overreacted, and I'm sorry.” Rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, Rin forced himself to get through the speech he had gone through time after time on the train ride over. “I was an asshole, and I hope I haven't completely ruined your image of me.”

“You haven't, and I'm sorry that I hurt you,” Seijuurou interjected quietly, looking what Rin thought was the slightest bit hopeful.

Rin smiled up at him, heart pounding. “I like you, Mikoshiba Seijuurou. I like you a lot. I have Nationals coming up, and then I have my final exams...but after that, if you're still single...do you think we could give _us_ a shot? If I do well, the school I want to go to isn't all that far from yours.”

Seijuurou had started grinning like an idiot, and he reached down to grab both of Rin's hands, making the younger man's blush extend all the way across his face. “Whenever you want, you just ask, okay? And if you change your mind, then we can still hang out as friends.”

Rin was certain that he wasn't going to change his mind, and he said as much as the pair of them stood there in the open Mikoshiba doorway, Rin's embarrassed smile only a little smaller than Seijuurou's own.

Unfortunately, Rin had overestimated how much time he had to spare, and his phone vibrated silently in his pocket, letting him know that he had to leave. Not wanting to go, but knowing that he didn't have a choice, Rin quickly closed the distance between them, giving Seijuurou a closed-mouth kiss before taking a step backwards and letting their hands separate.

“I'll talk to you soon, Seijuurou.”

“I'll look forward to it.”

Turning away and starting to walk away, Rin couldn't help but look back over his shoulder, returning the gentle, hopeful smile that Seijuurou was still looking at him with.

Before he'd even reached the station, Rin had used his phone's internet to send a friend request to the man he'd just left.

* * *

 

A little over six weeks later, the day after the last exam of his high school education, Rin opened a Facebook message thread that had recently only been used for occasional messages about school and swimming and small talk...plus maybe the _slightest_ bit of flirting. Rin had told himself a million times that school and Nationals had to come before dating, but that didn't mean he had to be _perfectly_ behaved until now. The little green circle next to the name let him know that he wouldn't be waiting long for a reply, and he was grinning broadly as he asked a question that he already knew the answer to.

_Matsuoka Rin: Hey Sei, do you want to go on a date with me?_

 


	6. Chapter 6

Of course, like everything else in the world, it wasn't perfect.

They had their disagreements, Rin accusing Seijuurou of treating him like a kid, or Seijuurou wondering if Rin _really_ knew what he wanted or if he was just experimenting.

Neither truly believed what they were saying whenever their tempers started to flare, and they never got out of hand before things could be reined in, but it still hurt both of them to know that they had quite a way to go before there was nothing but trust between them. With the way the beginning of their relationship had panned out, it wasn't exactly surprising.

Things came to a head the first time Rin let Seijuurou come to pick him up, all their dates over the previous two months having involved them meeting at their destination. Although he'd started university, the swim team had not yet begun practices, and so Rin had taken advantage of his free time to spend a few nights at his parents' house. He _thought_ he had timed it well enough that his parents wouldn't be around when Seijuurou arrived, as they didn't exactly _know_ about his homosexual relationship, but somehow it had slipped his mind that Gou would still be home. Still, Rin figured that he could sneak out the door before his sister noticed what was happening.

It was around midday on Sunday when there was a knock on the door, but as Rin was busy running around putting the last of his outfit together while hiding what he was doing from his sister, he didn't hear the noise.

It was only when he heard a boisterous exclamation of his sister's name that he realised what time it was, making him swear loudly and awkwardly button his pants as he ran towards the door.

Seijuurou was grinning at Gou, and although it wasn't quite as flirtatious as it used to be, it still made a dark flare stab into Rin's stomach in the brief moment before gold eyes lifted to look into his own.

Rather than indulging the feeling, though, Rin ignored it as he damn near pushed his utterly confused sister out of the way, shoving his feet into the first pair of his shoes that he found.

“Hey,” Seijuurou greeted him in a far softer tone, one that Rin only ever heard the older man use towards him, and as Rin smiled back at him, he decided to let whatever else he was feeling go.

“I'll be back later tonight,” Rin said over the questions his sister was trying to ask, closing the door in her face before she could try any harder to interrogate them. Seijuurou immediately cracked up laughing, slinging an arm around Rin's shoulders but keeping their bodies far enough apart that anyone watching would just think it was friendly.

“What's so funny?”

“I think Gou thought I was stalking her.”

Rin laughed in reply, but his uneasiness returned and it was all he could do to keep it at bay while they had lunch at a quiet restaurant not too far from Seijuurou's apartment. Indeed, he could barely remember how they made it back to Sei's place, let alone how they'd ended up on the couch, vaguely watching some talk show with Seijuurou leaning back against the couch arm, Rin nestled between his spread legs.

There was nothing sexual about the closeness, and Rin knew that that was contributing to the fact that he just couldn't get comfortable against the broad chest behind him, his own body tense and awkward.

There was nothing sexual about the closeness because there had barely been anything sexual about their relationship _at all_ , and Rin just couldn't stop thinking about all the reasons why that might be.

“You okay?”

And of _course_ Seijuurou noticed Rin's discomfort, his arms wrapping around the smaller man's body to coax him into relaxing.

“I'm fine.” Rin hadn't meant for his reply to sound so _sharp_ , and he winced at his own stupidity, knowing that he wasn't going to like whatever happened next.

“Rin, you've been distracted all day. Do you wanna tell me what's going on?” Sei's hands were now rubbing soothingly up and down Rin's biceps, and if he hadn't been feeling so out of it, Rin knew he would've been fighting a hard-on.

“Don't worry about it.”

The hands kept rubbing his arms as Seijuurou sighed, his breath rustling Rin's hair. “I thought we agreed to talk things through. Keep us from any more stupid misunderstandings on either of our parts.”

For a while, the only sounds of note in the room were the TV and the rustling of clothing as Seijuurou continued to rub Rin's arms, still trying to draw some of the tension from his silent boyfriend.

When Rin finally decided to speak, it was so soft that Seijuurou barely managed to hear him, despite the fact that they were sitting so close together.

“D-do you...still like my sister?”

The hands on his arms stilled abruptly, the warmth from the continuous movement quickly fading away as Rin stared resolutely at the wall in front of him. He initially resisted as Sei's grip tightened minutely and tried to turn him, but as it became more insistent, Rin gave in and let himself be turned to face his boyfriend.

Big, gentle hands cupped his face, lifting it until he was looking into concerned gold eyes and he had nowhere to hide.

“Why would you think that, Rin?”

Looking away as his cheeks burned with embarrassment and shame, Rin expressed what he'd been feeling all afternoon, letting the dark feeling in his gut bubble uncomfortably. “It's just...seeing the two of you today...you chased after her for so long, and I...I feel like I'm not even the one you want.”

“Oh, _Rin_ ,” Seijuurou breathed, pulling his boyfriend close and wrapping him up in a hug, letting his chin rest on top of Rin's head.

“Me flirting with Gou...it ended up just being a bit of fun. She wasn't interested, I knew that, and admittedly, I may have pushed a bit much, but...it was never meant to be anything more than harmless flirting, yeah?”

His hands gripping the front of Seijuurou's shirt, Rin let himself breath deeply, taking in his boyfriend's scent as he let the words calm him down.

“But why don't you ever seem interested in me...like, _sexually_?” The last word was barely choked out, and Rin was fairly certain he was about to die out of shame.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Seijuurou said in a tone that was _far_ more amused than Rin thought was necessary. He was about to fight his way out of the arms around him when Sei detangled them himself, softly pushing Rin back until he could see his face. “You serious?”

“I wouldn't have said it if I _wasn't_ ,” Rin muttered, glaring off to the side as Seijuurou grabbed his hands.

“That is the _furthest_ thing from the truth,” Seijuurou said without a trace of shame, almost making Rin feel jealous with how easily he could talk about this stuff. “I'd _love_ to go further with you, but you just didn't seem interested in it. I know you've never been in a proper relationship before, so I didn't want to push you.”

Finally looking back at the older man, Rin narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “And you didn't think to, I don't know, _discuss_ _that with me_?”

There was no real heat behind it, but apparently _that_ was enough to finally make Sei feel ashamed, the man biting his lip and avoiding Rin's eyes.

“Okay, I deserve that. Look, I'm gonna lay it all out right now. I _really_ like you, I like dating you, and I think you're the most gorgeous man I've ever seen. And as much as I'd love to have sex with you, I'm not about to make you do anything you don't want to.”

Nodding slowly, Rin rolled the words through his mind, eventually shifting back on the couch and encouraging Seijuurou to scooch down further towards him, until the taller man was lying completely flat. Careful not to let his knees or elbows jab anywhere painful, Rin arranged himself until he was lying half on top of his boyfriend, the other half of his body tucked between Sei and the back of the couch.

They were a _little_ too big for the space, but Rin didn't let that stop him as he tucked his face into the crook of Seijuurou's neck, humming contentedly as a hand twisted around to run through his hair.

“I like you a lot, too,” he mumbled into Seijuurou's skin, certain that the man could still hear him from the low chuckle he received in return.

For a while, they both managed to turn their attention to the TV, but Rin couldn't deny the fact that hearing Sei talk about having sex with him had lit a fire in his stomach, even if he wasn't sporting a full-blown erection. Yet.

In all honesty, he lasted longer than he thought he would before the smooth skin of Seijuurou's neck became too much of a temptation, and he let his lips run over it in a series of quick kisses.

He could feel the way Sei's breathing hitched and so pushed a bit further, letting each point of contact go for a bit longer and be a bit firmer. Beneath him, Seijuurou was starting to squirm a little, and Rin took advantage of the movement to slip away from the back of the couch, shifting until he was sitting up on the other man's lower stomach.

Sei's big hands were warm on his hips even through the material of his shirt, and as Rin leant forward his own hands slipped from Seijuurou's pectorals to his shoulders, and then down onto the couch so that they rested on either side of his head.

He started with a quick peck to Sei's lips, soon followed by another, and then a longer, deeper kiss that eventually had Seijuurou gripping Rin's shoulders to separate their bodies.

“Look,” the bigger redhead started, the lightest beginnings of a flush starting on the very tops of his cheekbones. “I know what I said earlier, but I don't want you to think that you have to start anything right here and now.”

Rin's unimpressed look would probably have been more effective if he wasn't fairly certain that Sei could feel the semi pressing into his abdomen.

“I only held back because I thought _you_ didn't want it.” Any embarrassment was quickly being crushed under the weight of his growing anticipation, and Rin shrugged Seijuurou's hands off his shoulders, leaning right down until he could feel the other's breath on his face.

“I'm an eighteen year old virgin and you're my boyfriend who I've been fantasising about since all of a week after I met you. If you don't put your dick in me then I am going to _burst a blood vessel in my balls_.”

Seijuurou stared blankly into Rin's too-close eyes for a few long, stretched-out seconds, and then all of a sudden it seemed like tension Rin hadn't even noticed was all flooding out of his body at once, leaving Sei to practically melt into the comfortable couch cushions.

“Oh, thank _god_ ,” he groaned, one hand awkwardly reaching around Rin to adjust himself in his jeans. “My self-control is _legendary_ , but you were pushing it.”

“Wait, you mean-” Rin cut himself off, thinking back and quickly realising that _not once_ had he seen his boyfriend with anything close to a hard-on. He hadn't noticed at the time because he was always too busy trying to will away or hide his own, but now that he actually thought about it, wasn't that a little weird?

“I'm a raging bisexual who was on the swim team at an all-boys' school. Did you really think there'd be any way to wear a Speedo that didn't involve being _really, really good_ at staying soft?”

Before Rin could try to answer the rhetorical question, and definitely before he could think about his boyfriend trying not to get turned on in front of the team, Seijuurou had them flipped over, Rin's eyes going wide as the world suddenly turned on him and his back fell against the couch. Seijuurou stretched his bigger frame out along Rin's, avoiding putting his whole weight onto his boyfriend but still managing enough physical contact to keep him happy for the moment.

“But if you're... _up_ for it, then I guess I can let go.” Momentarily struck by how similar Sei's smirk was to the one he'd seen in his fantasies however many times, Rin could barely respond as the other man swept in close, pushing his tongue into Rin's mouth for a passionate kiss.

He eventually managed to get with the program, carding a hand through bright hair and using it to keep Seijuurou close, as his other hand shakily ran down his boyfriend's flank and up under his shirt.

Hard muscle was all that greeted him, the swimmer's frame sleek enough to barely have an ounce of extra fat on it, and despite the fact that Rin had seen that torso more than he could possibly remember, he was hit by the sudden urge to get the shirt off Seijuurou as quickly as possible.

The hand buried in red hair quickly joined the other underneath the T-shirt even as they kept kissing, and Rin had it rucked up under Sei's armpits before they even had a chance to separate.

Still, with enough insistent tugging, Rin managed to wordlessly convince the other man to sit up, and it _definitely_ wasn't accidental that Sei repeatedly brushed up against Rin's denim-covered erection as he manoeuvred into a sitting position, knees bracketing Rin's hips.

Rin was certainly acting more confidently than he felt, and he began to feel more than a little out of his depth as Sei grabbed the back of his shirt, pulling it off with one smooth motion and giving Rin the close-up he'd been after for longer than could possibly be healthy.

Fantasy was good and all, but now that he had that expanse of taut, tanned skin right in front of him, he had no idea what to possibly do with his quaking hands. Seijuurou seemed to notice, and although Rin briefly steeled himself for some sort of teasing laughter, he should have known better.

The fingers that encircled his wrists lifted his hands until his own fingers were splayed across Seijuurou's abs, feeling the dips of the well-defined muscles and the way they contracted as he tentatively let his thumbs start rubbing back and forth.

“There you go,” Sei mumbled, leaning forward and adopting the position Rin had been in earlier, getting right up in his boyfriend's face. “Don't be so worried, you can put your hands all over me and I'll love it.”

Rin's reply was cut off as Sei started to kiss him again, his dick throbbing as he worked his hands out from between their bodies and ran them across a tanned back.

He felt overheated and trapped in his own fully-dressed state, and having Seijuurou on top of him where Rin could _just_ feel his erection sometimes brushing his stomach wasn't helping in the least.

“Is this okay?” Seijuurou muttered, utterly confusing Rin until a determined hand slipped between them and cupped the smaller redhead's dick through his jeans, gently rubbing it and sending shocks of pleasure down Rin's spine.

“Uh-huh,” Rin forced out as his fingers pressed into Seijuurou's shoulders, his hips moving up to get more glorious contact from that hand. He quickly ended up wrapping his arms around Sei's neck as the older man unbuckled his belt, pausing to look up for more enthusiastically-given consent before awkwardly shifting their bodies until he could pull Rin's jeans and underwear down his thighs.

It felt odd to be so intimately exposed to someone, especially as none of his clothes were actually off entirely, but Rin wasn't exactly going to protest now that a hand that _wasn't_ his own was slowly starting to rub up and down his dick.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Rin gasped as his hips jolted, one knee jerking and almost slamming into Seijuurou. The older redhead laughed as he felt the movement, his tone amused as he said, “Easy, Rin. I'm not a masochist, so let's keep injuries to a minimum.”

“Sorr-” Rin started before he was cut off, Sei gripping him a little better and making him lose the inclination to speak.

“Nuh-uh, no feeling bad. This is about feeling _good_.”

Smiling a little bashfully, Rin shifted on the couch, only to wince when his shoulder hit an uncomfortable angle. “Um...do you think we could maybe, uh, do t-this somewhere else?”

He felt like an idiot the moment he said it, but Sei's excited grin assuaged most of his worries, the taller man bouncing to his feet and somehow managing to pull Rin's pants off almost entirely as he went. The cool air on his now-untouched dick didn't feel particularly pleasant, so Rin wasn't about to hesitate as he took the hand that Seijuurou was holding out to him.

As he was pulled up, he shook his jeans off his ankles, only barely managing to avoid the urge to cover his painfully hard dick with his free hand. The pair of them probably looked ridiculous together, Rin in just a shirt and Sei in just his pants, but it wasn't like anyone else was around to see them as Seijuurou led Rin towards the bedroom by his hand.

The afternoon light coming through the bedroom window lit Seijuurou from behind as he very obviously looked Rin up and down, an excited smile on his face as he stepped in close and pulled Rin's shirt up and off, tossing it carelessly aside. Even though he knew he had nothing to worry about, a pang of self-consciousness hit Rin as it really clicked that he was standing naked and hard in front of Seijuurou, hungry eyes taking in every detail of his body.

He started to lift his hands to cross them defensively over his chest, but he forced himself to let it go, instead reaching out to grab the buckle of Sei's jeans.

Thankfully he managed to get it undone without embarrassing himself, and it didn't take long before Sei was just as naked as Rin was. Somehow, though, that just made Rin _more_ self-conscious.

“What the _fuck_ ,” he said flatly, his eyebrows rising as he flicked his gaze between Sei's face and cock. “How do you fit that in a Speedo?”

Truthfully, Seijuurou wasn't _enormous_ , and probably didn't come close to most of the dicks Rin had seen in porn over the years, but he'd spent too much time surreptitiously looking at Sei during practice and occasionally in the showers, and his cock hadn't been as big as it was now.

Apparently Seijuurou was a grower.

_Great_.

“I'm gonna take that as a compliment,” Sei laughed, one hand on his hip as the other slowly worked his dick.

“How are you even _real_?” Rin muttered under his breath, feeling himself throb as he watched Sei. The heated look he got in return had him forgetting any ideas about being self-conscious and swallowing hard, Rin pointed to the neatly made bed.

“Sit on the edge for me?”

Seijuurou clearly had no intentions of playing it cool, because he was almost immediately in the position Rin had requested, his legs spread comfortably so that Rin could see every detail of his shaved crotch.

Rin was definitely glad that his first time was going to be with another swimmer- he felt like some guys would probably have questions about his generally hairless body, but Seijuurou was exactly the same as him, so he didn't feel any embarrassment about how much time he clearly put into his shaving routine.

The apartment floor wasn't exactly comfortable on Rin's knees, but he barely noticed any discomfort due to the fact that _he was about to get his mouth onto Sei's_ _cock_.

He'd never really fooled around before beyond a bit of making out, due to his dedication to swimming and then the depressive rut he'd fallen into, but he figured a dick was a dick as he made a light fist around Seijuurou, letting his thumb brush over the head like he did to himself.

When he wasn't immediately told to stop, Rin felt a boost in confidence and he let himself grip a little tighter, picking up a more natural rhythm. Precome was starting to appear on the head of Sei's dick now that his foreskin was out of the way, and Rin bit his lip as he decided it was now or never.

Leaning forward and letting his hand stop at the base of Sei's cock, Rin let the flat of his tongue collect the beading liquid, barely registering the odd taste due to the shuddering breath that Seijuurou let out.

Recalling what he'd read while absently flicking through the women's magazines that Gou occasionally left sitting around their parents' house, Rin took a deep breath to steady himself as he awkwardly tried to cover his teeth with his lips, taking the solid heat of a hard dick into his mouth.

Being completely unpractised, he didn't exactly get far before he thought he'd better stop pushing forward, not wanting to accidentally nick Sei with his sharp teeth. Still, the bigger man didn't seem bothered by Rin's lack of technique, his hands gripping the bed cover.

Seijuurou's knuckles went white as Rin suddenly gagged and pulled back, breath coming fast and hard through his nose as he flicked his tongue around the head as a consolation for his perceived failure.

“Don't push yourself,” Sei said in a huskier tone than usual, his fingers running through Rin's hair and then tracing the line of his jaw even as Rin tried to take him in again. “Look, come up here so I can do you too.”

Honestly surprised by how reluctant he was to let Sei's dick drop from his mouth, Rin stood up as his knees ached from the uncomfortable floor. He assumed that Sei was offering mutual blowjobs, and although he wasn't averse to the idea, he felt like he had an even better one.

“I...I want you to fuck me.”

“You sure?”

Hoping that he wasn't going to fall and embarrass himself, Rin hooked his arms over Sei's shoulders, putting his knees on either side of his boyfriend's body and leaning in to kiss him. Strong arms went around his body to support his weight as he relished the feel of Seijuurou's tongue in his mouth, only pulling back when the insistent ache in his groin became too much.

“I'm sure.”

Sei's gleeful expression was the only warning Rin got before he was suddenly being lifted, hands repositioning themselves under his ass as he was physically picked up, spun around and then deposited in the middle of Sei's queen mattress. The older redhead was digging through the drawers next to his bed, and Rin eyed the half-full bottle of lube that bounced onto the mattress, quickly followed by a condom.

“You okay to bottom? I'm happy to switch.”

Rin tilted his head to look at Sei, still standing beside the bed. He hadn't exactly considered the possibility of topping, but although the idea put a throb of arousal in his lower stomach, he decided to put it aside for now.

“Later. I want you to top me first...if that's cool with you?”

“Of course,” Sei smirked, crawling onto the bed and settling himself between Rin's spread thighs. Rin let himself fall back into the frantic making out, distracted enough that he didn't notice his boyfriend's multitasking until a finger covered in cool lube was rubbing over his asshole.

“You ever done this to yourself?” Sei asked as he gently slipped his finger inside, feeling out how much resistance Rin's body was going to put up. Rin gasped and let his head fall back on the pillow, squirming from the sensations of Sei's finger and the light kisses being placed across his bare chest.

“I have a dildo,” he eventually forced out, slamming his mouth shut to muffle his moan when Sei added another lubed finger.

“Oh _do you_ , now?” Sei asked, sounding like he was considering a million and one possibilities. Rin would've flushed in mortification, but he was fairly certain that his dick had stolen all of the available blood in his body, from the way it pulsed and throbbed as Seijuurou fingered him.

When Sei looked up, Rin felt like his heart was going to burst. Seijuurou's normally slicked-back hair had been thoroughly messed up by Rin's fingers, some of it falling onto his forehead and framing his face beautifully, his lips were a little swollen, and the expression on his face was one that Rin had never actually thought he'd get to see outside of fantasy.

“Fuck it,” Rin blurted out as gleeful gold eyes stared up at him. “Hurry up and put your dick in me.”

“Romantic,” Sei drawled, but he pulled his fingers out after one more stroke over Rin's prostate, watching the way Rin's entire body seemed to shudder with pleasure. “How do you wanna do this?”

“Just like this,” Rin said, gesturing to the way they were face-to-face. He'd get Sei to fuck him from behind while dirty talking some other time.

The bigger redhead gave him another one of those blinding grins, leaning up and dropping a pillow onto Rin's stomach. “Chuck that under your hips, make sure you're comfortable.”

Following the directions he'd been given, Rin watched as Sei ripped open the condom, confidently rolling it onto his dick and adding more lube.

Then Seijuurou was back between his legs, lifting them up until they were draped over broad shoulders and Sei's hands were free to tease at Rin's dick and balls. “You ready?”

“Yep.”

“Just keep breathing steady, yeah?”

The feeling of the blunt head at his hole made it hard for Rin to stay relaxed, and he fought his body's instincts to tense up as the pressure at his ass increased. He breathed deep, but it caught in his throat as Sei suddenly pushed through Rin's muscle resistance.

He wouldn't exactly say that it _hurt_ , thanks to the fake cock he had sitting at the back of his wardrobe, but Seijuurou was _real_ and _bigger_ and he wasn't under Rin's complete control. It certainly wasn't the most pleasant experience as he tried to adjust to the feeling of Sei inside him, slowly pushing further in and spreading him like nothing had before.

After reassuring his boyfriend that he was okay, Rin pushed a hand between their bodies as Sei bottomed out, stroking his dick back to full hardness and hoping that the pleasure would help erase his discomfort. Sei's thumbs were rubbing comforting circles on the inside of Rin's thighs where he was supporting the smaller redhead's legs, and eventually Rin felt like he was doing well enough to stop Seijuurou from overexerting himself in trying to stay still.

“Fuck me, Sei.”

Considerate bastard that he was, Seijuurou started off slow, keeping a close eye on Rin's expression to make sure that he wasn't hurting silently. The concern would've had Rin rolling his eyes at any other time, but the weird, stretched feeling was gradually being replaced by an oddly intense type of pleasure, which was only helped by the way Rin managed to keep jerking himself off.

With a little urging from Rin, it didn't take too long before Sei was speeding up, his fingers flexing around the muscles of Rin's legs and his dick constantly brushing over Rin's prostate. The shocks of pleasure sparking through his body were enough to reduce the discomfort to little more than a memory, and Rin found himself pushing back to meet Sei's thrusts, his hand working to keep the same rhythm as his boyfriend's hips.

Apparently Sei was uncharacteristically quiet in bed, but as he thrust harder Rin found himself letting out winded little gasps every time Sei hit home. It didn't look like he was going to be one of those guys he'd heard about who could come just from being fucked, but Rin didn't think he'd have any particular qualms about bottoming again- it was definitely feeling a lot better than his toy ever had.

Stretching forward, Sei caught Rin's lips with his own, and they kissed messily as the bigger man found his quick rhythm, making Rin's back arch away from the mattress.

“ _Holy shit,_ ” Rin gasped as he pulled back as far as he could, hand frantically working himself. “Think I'm gonna come.”

He was momentarily put out when Sei suddenly batted his fingers away from his dick, only to let out a guttural groan when his boyfriend took over himself, his hand less practised in exactly what Rin liked but no less enjoyable for it.

“ _Fuck_ ,” was all Rin managed to get out before the insistent heat in his gut boiled over, his hips working frantically as Sei jerked him through his orgasm. When he felt his boyfriend start to slow his thrusts, Rin grabbed at his sweaty shoulder, fingers biting into the tanned flesh.

“Keep going!”

Rin felt boneless as his dick finished spurting, his tense, arched spine falling back onto the mattress as Sei's frantic thrusts jolted him around. He was _just_ managing to stay one step below over-sensitive, and the lazy pleasure of Sei moving inside him had a sigh coming from his throat, even as Sei grabbed his hips, holding him close while the older man groaned and came into the condom he was wearing.

“Damn,” Sei muttured as he gingerly pulled out, slowly bringing Rin's legs off his shoulders before taking off the condom and tying it up, tossing it towards the bin in the corner. “You good?”

Rin's response wasn't exactly made up of words, his chest heaving from the force of his orgasm.

“Gonna say that's a yes,” Sei laughed a little breathlessly, pushing his hair away from his forehead and grinning down at his tired boyfriend. A clean towel from the pile of laundry on Sei's desk wiped up the come that had ended up splattered on both their chests, but Rin barely even moved as Seijuurou tidied him up.

Stretching himself out on his bed, Sei smiled as Rin immediately attached himself to his side, and he scratched lightly through Rin's hair as he clearly started to fall asleep. He figured that a nap was as good an idea as any and, after making sure that he wasn't jostling Rin any more than was strictly necessary, settled down to sleep next to his clingy boyfriend. 

* * *

 

When Matsuoka Rin was 24 years old, a photo of him standing on the Olympic podium in first place, leaning across to third place to kiss Mikoshiba Seijuurou on the lips after they'd both received their 100m Butterfly medals, went viral within hours of the ceremony. He couldn't say for sure, but he was pretty certain that Gou had had _something_ to do with it.

Their managers nearly killed them for outing themselves in front of the entire world, and there were murmurs of discontent, but all was forgiven when there was a sudden sharp rise in sales of absolutely anything with either of their faces on it.

Something to do with representation, Rin found himself explaining one evening to Seijuurou as they lay in bed together. Not that he thought their popularity was particularly important; all he cared about was the fact that the subsequent increase in his sponsorships had paid for the extraordinarily gorgeous ring he had ready to offer his boyfriend.

His infuriating, talented and beyond gorgeous boyfriend (who Sousuke _still_ glared at whenever he was feeling particularly pissy).

**Author's Note:**

> [Come Tumblr with me](http://socialdegenerate.tumblr.com)


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